I'm not cool. I've never been that cool and this continued into my years living in New York.
After five years in the Big Apple, I can count only about ten times that I actually went to a cool club. I always said it was because I hated clubs in NY because no one dances (which is true) and who wants to pay $20 for a drink? But really it was because I would rarely get past the doormen. Let's be honest - if I could get into the club, of course I would want to go.
So you can imagine my excitement when we were told that during fashion week,
The Kooples were going to be able to get us all into David Lynch's club Silencio. It was a reason to put on my finest pair of high heels and dress the part of accepted party girl. The club did not disappoint and unlike the Americans, the French actually dance.
Leaving late as one does after a fun night out, Sir Lancelot and I found ourselves exhausted and without a taxi not too far from the Les Halles area - which at 3pm let alone 3am is not the safest place to be.
Normally I'm pretty cautious with my phone, jewelry and such while exploring Paris, as the city is not as safe as one may think. But of course while trying to find the nearest taxi stand and gain awareness where we actually were (I had an idea but wasn't sure), we were talking loudly in English and waving our iPhones around with obvious signs of distress.
It was the perfect setting and we were the perfect target for two rowdy guys who just might want to mugg someone.
While Sir Lancelot waved his iPhone around trying to find a signal (why do we all think doing that makes a difference?), the two young guys walked up and started to give us high-fives while saying, "English? Ten? Dix? Ten? Cinq? Five? English?"
Normally I would roll my eyes at this person and stomp away with more than enough New York attitude, but this time I just stood there and answered back! Within 30 seconds, they started crowding around Sir Lancelot and punching him in the arms. I finally woke up and knew what was going on, so I did the only thing most girls would do.
I screamed - really loud. And I kicked - really hard. And it wasn't pretty.
"They want your wallet! They want your phone!" I yelled as I got behind Sir L and grabbed both his coat pockets trying to protect his phone and wallet. Success - they were in my hands. At this point while Sir L was screaming in defense and fighting back, I kept kicking with my three-inch heels and did not stop.
It was at this moment that I realized they weren't going for the wallet and phone - they wanted his watch. And this isn't just any watch. This is a watch that Sir Lancelot has waited basically his entire life for...there was no way we were going to lose it now.
So I screamed even louder. And I kicked even harder. And Sir L fought back even more. It was our four hands against their four hands pulling the watch every single way.
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| My weapon for the voleur. At least I kicked in style. |
We won (!) and the two assholes ran away. We had the watch (albeit with a broken clasp) but Sir L's hand was cut and resulted in a week-long bruise. Thank goodness the thieves didn't have any actual weapons...
It was a true wake-up call for us and we walked away scared. Of course I was in tears because while girls are great at screaming, we're also really good at crying. And then I proceeded to scream/cry at Sir L that "I am over Paris and booking the next flight back to the States tomorrow!"
While it was a stressful end to our evening, luckily I had been prepared for a good screaming and kicking fight with a stranger since I'd had some practice in 2007. But that's a story for
"Voleur is French for thief: Part II." (Coming soon...)
Just remember: you can never be too safe.
To realize the severity of thieves/pickpockets in Paris and protecting your valuables, check out this post from my friend Mary Kay's blog,
Out and About in Paris.