Ohh la la... it's been way too long since I last wrote something but I was just so planning this crazy dinner party...
Sir Lancelot has been crazy busy at work and gave me only a few days notice that we would be hosting six people for a work dinner. They were a mixture of colleagues, clients and nationalities and although the majority were American, Sir L wanted me to do it the French way.
Of course Sir L asked me first if I minded doing the dinner and I never do as I enjoy the process of planning the menu, setting the table and it gives me an opportunity to explore the wonderful niche stores in our nearby markets for unique selections of various alimentations.
Except this time there was a holiday in France on Monday and Tuesday which meant that some stores were open but with odd hours or most stores were shut - so everything was left to Wednesday. And I also am the queen of procrastination...which didn't help the situation.
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| Thank to my dear friend Liz who helped me set the table with more of a French touch - notice the forks. |
To add to the stress and pressure of the evening, Sir Lancelot had a conversation with a few colleagues about a French dinner party. After he told me a few of the rules - which just resulted in me rolling my eyes a lot - I began to feel even more anxious about the event.
These "rules" apply to whether you have a group of eight or just two. And just when I think I've managed to succeed and understand everything, something always happens and a bit of Americana slides into the evening. Here are a few of my favorite rules:
L'entrée
This is a more formal appetizer. No salsa, guacamole and Tostitos in the living room with the big game on here friends. Think foie gras, chutney d'oignon and a tiny piece of toast to go with it. I grew up with a mom who always did her cheese plate before the main meal but since cheese now is after the meal... I'm always at a loss for starters. If you have any suggestions for me, please leave them in the comments section!
Asparagus
This is the only vegetable that you are able to eat with your hands. Haricot verts? Use your fourchette! Snow peas? Same deal. Why just asparagus? I have no clue. I think that to myself a lot on a daily basis when I question things in France... my inner-response is always, "I have no clue."
La Fourchette
Speaking of the fork... Make sure that the fork is facing down when you set the table. Again, I did not get the reason why for this one but I do know that after our Loire Valley trip and touring many châteaus, all the forks were facing down in the dining rooms.
Salad
Salad is served with the cheese plate after the main meal. It is considered rude and an insult to the chef if you cut your salad with your knife and fork. No matter how big the lettuce pieces are. (This will also probably be the only substantial green thing you get...)
The Cheese
I come from an extended family that goes absolutely crazy for cheese and everyone runs to the cheese plate the minute it is served. But cheese lover beware - you better take a deep breath and wait your turn for the cheese course at a French dinner! Be patient and be sure to cut the cheese the correct way. If it's a triangular block (sorry if my shapes are wrong, I barely passed geometry), you slice from the top (where the rhine is) to the bottom so you are left with a longer sliver. This also goes for a circular cheese - which will already have a small sliver taken out of it as the host/hostess must always remove this small piece beforehand. You only should really have one small serving of each cheese and never seconds. And don't go overboard on the baguette. I understand that it's really, really good but you only really should take a little taste.
Where you sit
Sir Lancelot and I are no longer allowed to sit next to each other. This is because we've been married for more than a year. Newlyweds like to sit next to each other - I guess one-year in and we prefer to just talk to others? Another reason that French men are known as wanderers I presume?? A dinner party makes it easier for them. Then the MOST important female guest must be seated to the right of the host. And the MOST important male guest must be seated to the right of the hostess. When Sir L told me this, I asked him how one determines the most important male/female guests if it's just a group of people and if the dinner has no true purpose. He said that this is where the French like to play mind games with each other and perhaps seat someone at the "most important" spot to create anxiety for the person that goes there thinking that they are the most important person. Also, the hostess must sit closest to the kitchen and given that traditional French apartments have the kitchen as far away as possible from the dining room, I welcome this helpful tradition. Thank you for letting me be a table closer to where I just spent all day.
How you sit
I think a lot of people already know this rule in other countries just the other countries have the opposite rule. In France you keep your hands above the table with your wrists lightly resting on the edge of table or around there. In the UK, you keep your hands underneath the table as it's rude to put hands or elbows above. In America...well, I don't know what our rule is. Do we even have one?! Up until Sir Lancelot was six and still living in Geneva, he was taught the French way. Then he started boarding school in the UK and immediately changed his habits to fit in with the other children. Then he went back to Geneva for summers and would get yelled at by his family and asked, "What are you doing under there"? So note to self: keep hands above or people will think something else...
This is a more formal appetizer. No salsa, guacamole and Tostitos in the living room with the big game on here friends. Think foie gras, chutney d'oignon and a tiny piece of toast to go with it. I grew up with a mom who always did her cheese plate before the main meal but since cheese now is after the meal... I'm always at a loss for starters. If you have any suggestions for me, please leave them in the comments section!
Asparagus
This is the only vegetable that you are able to eat with your hands. Haricot verts? Use your fourchette! Snow peas? Same deal. Why just asparagus? I have no clue. I think that to myself a lot on a daily basis when I question things in France... my inner-response is always, "I have no clue."
La Fourchette
Speaking of the fork... Make sure that the fork is facing down when you set the table. Again, I did not get the reason why for this one but I do know that after our Loire Valley trip and touring many châteaus, all the forks were facing down in the dining rooms.
Salad
Salad is served with the cheese plate after the main meal. It is considered rude and an insult to the chef if you cut your salad with your knife and fork. No matter how big the lettuce pieces are. (This will also probably be the only substantial green thing you get...)
The Cheese
I come from an extended family that goes absolutely crazy for cheese and everyone runs to the cheese plate the minute it is served. But cheese lover beware - you better take a deep breath and wait your turn for the cheese course at a French dinner! Be patient and be sure to cut the cheese the correct way. If it's a triangular block (sorry if my shapes are wrong, I barely passed geometry), you slice from the top (where the rhine is) to the bottom so you are left with a longer sliver. This also goes for a circular cheese - which will already have a small sliver taken out of it as the host/hostess must always remove this small piece beforehand. You only should really have one small serving of each cheese and never seconds. And don't go overboard on the baguette. I understand that it's really, really good but you only really should take a little taste.
Where you sit
Sir Lancelot and I are no longer allowed to sit next to each other. This is because we've been married for more than a year. Newlyweds like to sit next to each other - I guess one-year in and we prefer to just talk to others? Another reason that French men are known as wanderers I presume?? A dinner party makes it easier for them. Then the MOST important female guest must be seated to the right of the host. And the MOST important male guest must be seated to the right of the hostess. When Sir L told me this, I asked him how one determines the most important male/female guests if it's just a group of people and if the dinner has no true purpose. He said that this is where the French like to play mind games with each other and perhaps seat someone at the "most important" spot to create anxiety for the person that goes there thinking that they are the most important person. Also, the hostess must sit closest to the kitchen and given that traditional French apartments have the kitchen as far away as possible from the dining room, I welcome this helpful tradition. Thank you for letting me be a table closer to where I just spent all day.
How you sit
I think a lot of people already know this rule in other countries just the other countries have the opposite rule. In France you keep your hands above the table with your wrists lightly resting on the edge of table or around there. In the UK, you keep your hands underneath the table as it's rude to put hands or elbows above. In America...well, I don't know what our rule is. Do we even have one?! Up until Sir Lancelot was six and still living in Geneva, he was taught the French way. Then he started boarding school in the UK and immediately changed his habits to fit in with the other children. Then he went back to Geneva for summers and would get yelled at by his family and asked, "What are you doing under there"? So note to self: keep hands above or people will think something else...
Oranges for dessert
This must be my favorite dinner party custom. If you decide to serve fruit for dessert, it shouldn't be an orange because an orange must be eaten with a knife and fork and never use your hands. A KNIFE AND FORK. I'm assuming there are a lot of Americans that never use a knife and fork together ever... But if you're French and you're eating an orange you better not peel that sucker... I'm sure you're wondering, "Why would you have to eat the entire thing with a knife and fork"? Because an orange at dessert is a test. It is a test of you and who you are and who your family is and where you came from. With the goal of the test being, did you come from a proper French family that made sure they raised their children well and taught them to eat an orange with only a knife and fork? You better hope you learned that!
After all of these rules, I was exhausted even before I started prepping for the dinner. Which is why I treated myself to my first mani/pedi in Paris a few hours before people arrived.
What other French dinner party rules do you know and love or hate?
This must be my favorite dinner party custom. If you decide to serve fruit for dessert, it shouldn't be an orange because an orange must be eaten with a knife and fork and never use your hands. A KNIFE AND FORK. I'm assuming there are a lot of Americans that never use a knife and fork together ever... But if you're French and you're eating an orange you better not peel that sucker... I'm sure you're wondering, "Why would you have to eat the entire thing with a knife and fork"? Because an orange at dessert is a test. It is a test of you and who you are and who your family is and where you came from. With the goal of the test being, did you come from a proper French family that made sure they raised their children well and taught them to eat an orange with only a knife and fork? You better hope you learned that!
After all of these rules, I was exhausted even before I started prepping for the dinner. Which is why I treated myself to my first mani/pedi in Paris a few hours before people arrived.
What other French dinner party rules do you know and love or hate?
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| I'm sure our frog water pitcher is not appropriate for a French dinner party! |
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| I totally put the solo French guest on the spot at our party and served him an orange for dessert. He was very proud to cut and eat the entire thing with only his knife and fork. |
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This is a very helpful post of what to expect at a French dinner party. I enjoyed meeting you yesterday at Angelina's.
ReplyDeleteIt was lovely to meet you as well! I hope you enjoyed the rest of your Paris visit!
Deletethis is hilarious...and very informative. thank you for all these tips, next time I'm in Paris I will be sure to adhere to them :).
ReplyDeleteif i invite you... xxxx
DeleteVery enjoyable post, how did you manage to keep performance anxiety under control?? I would have fainted, and probobly poured down G&Ts like Perrier (!)before the guests arrived, welcoming them completely drunk but hopefully charming, and we all know we speak foreign languages better when drunk, and maybe they would have been impressed by my French instead of the lack of manners. Feeling happy meals are very relaxed in Norway..
ReplyDeletethe mani/pedi! it's my new rule for myself. normally I'm running around like crazy before and right when people arrive. this time, I went and got a mani/pedi two hours before and still had an hour to do last minute prep but had been relaxed for awhile.. it made such a different. Sir Lancelot even said when he walked in, "you seem so calm." success!
DeleteDuring the first year I lived in France, I was often invited to Madame T's for dinner. One evening she said in exasperation, "You've been here for nearly a year and you still don't know how to cut cheese!" I was annoyed she'd waited so long to say anything but I've never forgotten the lesson. The principle is very simple: you always make sure you cut off the same proportion of rind and cheese each time, which is why you cut camembert from the middle towards the edge. Eating asparagus with your fingers is new to me though. It's artichokes that people usually eat with their fingers. I never peel my own oranges - I just let my husband do it. He knows how to do it with a knife and fork and just uses a knife at home. If you view starters as mini main courses, you might find it easier. Meat and fish are often used but I prefer to serve vegetables: sliced cucumber with yoghurt and chives, young leeks with vinaigrette, zucchini quiche, etc. One of the most important things is making the plate look decorative.
ReplyDeletewonderful advice for starters! thank you so much! i'm sure i'll get the hang of it eventually! and bravo - you're husband knows how to do the orange :) and also thank you for the cheese tip... i always second guess myself!
DeleteI thought eating fries with a fork was weird but an orange? Next level....
ReplyDeleteI had no idea about this "Orange Test"! How fascinating! The French do love their history especially when it comes down to family origins and up bringing, so this does not surprise me.
But good to know if I have an orange plopped in front of me and at dinner party! What would I do without you? : )
of course that's how they choose to do it... so now you know, if the orange is brought out... the test is on!
DeleteI've never heard of the orange test before - now I'm tempted to get one and start training because it's going to take me awhile to learn to eat an orange without using my hands!
ReplyDeleteMK! I know! I still haven't tried (clearly it's not high on my list..) Start with the top and slice it off like you're removing a hat.... and that's all I've got.
DeleteOh.my.goodness. I am in love with your frog water pitcher. That is the silliest thing I have seen all day and I think it's amazing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the great insights into French culture! Maybe I will actually manage to be somewhat proper next time I'm in France!
Thanks Erica! You should see the video of Lancelot opening the Frog pitcher package... it was like a five year old on Christmas morning... only he was 39.
DeleteThank goodness I've only been handed a clementine after dinner (a Sunday dinner) and after watching the host I was able to peel it with my hand. And that asparagus rule is just odd, but we do know the french love their exceptions to the rule!
ReplyDeleteI feel like eating a clementine with cutlery would be just cruel! And the asparagus.. i know.. i mean what if they're covered in vinaigrette?! What do you do then!?
DeleteI wish somebody had given me this cheat sheet before my first dinner party... I served fajitas, semi-buffet style, and it was a disaster. Everyone kept waiting for me to serve them and referred to the tortillas as crepes. And yeah, what's with the oranges??!! The first time I was offered an orange for dessert I was like, uh, no. Where's the pie? Weirdos.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I've always known that it's ok to eat asparagus with your fingers, I think my mother my have hypnotized me when I was a child using Emily Post.
hahahah! i'm cracking up about your buffet style dinner.. note: i did not write about my first french dinner... it was like I had made food for 10 when there were only four of us...pure disaster.
Deleteand I had to google emily post. don't hold it against me.
oh my, I happened upon this from following a comment on Mary Kay's blog. The orange test is brilliant! And rude, really--who tests their guests? Well, yes, the French. I of course would never do anything like this, nor allow it on my charge, but I love knowing about it.
ReplyDeleteSeriously!!! Can you imagine that you get seated away from the host (thinking you'll be right next to him) and then are served an orange?? Pressure.... Please don't let this happen! thanks for reading and commenting :)
DeleteReading things like this make me feel like a barbarian. I'm Canadian but grew up with a Chinese mother and table manners was something that didn't exist in the house so I'm awful when it comes to eating both formally and informally. We didn't even follow Asian traditions and we never ate any of our meals together. Sometimes when I go to my boyfriend's parents' place for dinner (they're Canadian with British backgrounds), I'm so self-conscious. I can't imagine how I'd be at a French dinner party. This lesson on propriety was very interesting.
ReplyDeletePS. I just started reading your blog and I love it!
Hi Jenna! Sorry for the late reply to this. Even though it's nerve racking to head to in-laws for dinner (I have a German father in law who grew up in Geneva, so I never know what to do!), isn't it amazing to learn about all the small differences from culture to culture? I'm sure you do a fabulous job impressing at dinners - don't be so hard on yourself! x
DeleteLa Fourchette
ReplyDeleteI believe I know the answer to your query about the forks!! Many old style engraved sterling flatware put the monogram on the back of the fork handle. My aunt (who loves antique sterling particularly victorian era pieces) told me this practice has to do with the way they hold their forks when eating... They hold their forks upside-down from the American perspective...
Thanks for all of the info on French dinner parties!
I recommend the book Entre Nous by Debra Olliver too! Mdme. Olliver is an American who married a French man and lived in Paris for over ten years. The book is her observations and insights on French women... a fabulous read!!